Boomtown rat
Calum
Best, Paris Hilton and Jack Osborne, what do they have in common?
Well obviously they're all annoying cunts but apart from that?
They've all exploited their parent's fame for their own benefit. None
of them have any particular talent of their own but that hasn't
stopped them becoming worldwide celebrities. And they're not alone,
it seems that as soon as the children of famous folk hit a certain
age they themselves are flung into the spotlight whether they like or
not. Most shy away from it and contrive to make something of their
lives away from the public eye, and others...hello Calum.
Peaches
Geldof falls into that category too I'm afraid. “But she's a
journalist!” I hear you exclaim, “and a model!” Fuck off. I'm
not having that. She got where she is in life because of her surname,
simple as that. Although her journalistic skills should be praised in
light of her efforts to shine more light on the Ian Watkins case.
Using her super sleuth skills Peaches went online, read the names of
women alleged to have allowed Watkins access to their children, and
then tweeted those names to her 160,000 followers. She must have been
absent when ethics and standards was being taught.
How
stupid could she be? The power of the celebrity ensures that should
someone in her position so much as fart the whole world will know
about it within minutes. And with a case like this, which has
garnered huge attention, she may have lit the blue touch paper and
watched the whole thing go up in flames. Peaches now risks being
prosecuted herself, but of course the identity of her superstar
father ensures that this will most likely not happen. The
contradictory benefits of fame eh? As for Watkins – that fucker is
going to, quite literally, get torn a new arsehole once the boys in C
block get their hands on him.
A level playing field?
I
like Boris Johnson. How could you not? He's your atypical bumbling
Brit and appears blissfully oblivious to his own shortcomings. But
not everyone agrees with me, there's always been certain sections of
the British media that have had a problem with Boris and boy did they
have a field day this week. And for what? He simply pointed something
that we all know; that your intelligence plays a major factor in how
you fare in life. Here
are his words in full, “Whatever
you may think of the value of IQ tests, it is surely relevant to a
conversation about equality that as many as 16 per cent of our
species have an IQ below 85, while about 2 per cent have an IQ above
130.”
Taken on it's own that statement might not resonate but in the
context of his speech, which included discourses on inequality,
Gordon Gekko and cornflakes, it has caused hysteria
among the liberal left.
The
complaints stem from the belief that Johnson was mocking the
underclass and making light of their plight. 'SOME PEOPLE ARE TOO
STUPID TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE' screamed the headlines. It's true, some
people are too stupid to get ahead in life. The inability to make the
most of your lot is not restricted to the 'stupid' though, there's
plenty of supposedly intelligent folk who can't get their shit
together either. In fact the main issue with Boris' statement was
that it didn't factor in social class and how big a part that plays
in someone's life regardless of how clever they are. You could be the
brightest fucker in the world but if you live in the wrong part of
town, and don't have access to the resources needed to make the most
of your talents, then forget about it.
Johnson
didn't once suggest that the 16% came from underprivileged areas, the
namby pamby press did that for him. And by doing so they merely added
to the stigmatisation that these people suffer on a daily basis. This
self-congratulatory reporting on Johnson's innocuous speech merely
shows how far removed the British media are from those who they claim
to represent.
Sacked in the morning
A
few weeks ago I defended the right of Spurs' fans to sing songs about
their Jewish heritage. I've always been of the opinion that football
supporters pay a lot of money to watch their teams and are entitled
to sing what they want – within reason. But I'm not sure the
manager of that very same club would agree with me. During
Tottenham's two nil victory over Norwegian minnows Tromso AVB was
subjected to some seemingly good-natured taunts from a member of the
crowd. Reidar Stenersen Jr, who was seated near the Spurs dugout,
took to telling Villas-Boas that he would be “sacked in the
morning” during the early stages of Thursday night's game. For his
efforts he was rewarded with an ice-cold stare.
But
when he resumed his one-man assault towards the end of the half he
found himself being asked to move seats after Villas-Boas complained
about him to the police. Aw, diddums. I'm not sure what's worse, the
fact AVB complained or that the authorities acted on his behalf. This
is what happens in football, you take abuse and if you're lucky you
get to give a bit back at the end of the game. Perhaps Stenersen Jr
was unfortunate in that he was by himself, if he'd managed to corral
a group of rowdy Norwegians to have a go at the beleaguered Spurs
boss then it's unlikely they would have faced censure. The lesson to
be learned here is if you've got something nasty to say about someone
make sure you do it with the backing of a large crowd. Power in
numbers that's what it all about.
And
as for Stenersen Jr? He declined the offer to move to a different
part of the ground and retired to the pub for the evening, presumably
to shout obscenities at AVB from the comfort of a bar stool.
I'd give my left bollock for one of those
The
human body is a quite resilient piece of kit. You can break its
bones, poison it with alcohol and even take parts of it out, and
it'll still keep on chugging away. But for the majority of us it
truly is a temple and we treat it with the respect and care that it
deserves. Unless there's red sports car on offer that is. Mark
Parisi, from Las Vegas, has revealed his plans to sell one of his
testicles to US scientists for the princely sum of £22,000. Poor
fella he must be really down on his luck to have to do that. Not
really, he plans to use the money to buy a Nissan 370.
He
could at least get a Ferrari, if you're going to all that trouble and
plan to spend the rest of your life with just one veg to accompany
your meat you should be aiming higher than a fuckin' Nissan! But
maybe he's working his way towards that. We often hear of people
donating kidneys to loved ones, perhaps Mark will sell his to
generate funds for a helicopter. What else have we got that we can
live without? I'm not sure but I bet Mark knows. If you see a
limbless, earless figure driving along in a high-end sports car any
time soon chances are it'll be Mr Parisi just living the dream.
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