CITIZENS?
In
the immediate aftermath of the Boston bombing I turned to Twitter for
information, and just as quickly I turned away disgusted by what I
saw. At the time I thought humankind couldn't possibly stoop any
lower. I was wrong. The body of Sunil
Tripathi, 22 years old, was pulled from the waters of a
Rhode Island river this week.
What drove this apparently happy young man to take his own life? At
this moment in time no one knows. He had been missing since mid-March
so it is conceivable that he may have already been dead before the
events of April 15th.
But at that time his family were still unaware of his whereabouts and
still held out hope of him returning to them safely.
What
followed next was a new level of trauma, a new low even for those who
call themselves 'citizen journalists'. Thanks to some clearly
well-thought out research and powers of deduction Sunil was named as
the person responsible for the bombings. In a matter of hours this
misinformation spread all over Twitter and Reddit until it became not
just a theory but fact. His Facebook page was bombarded with
offensive messages and his stricken family members were targeted by
irate patriots eager to vent their fury. None of these people had
reliable sources, none of those people had any affiliation with a
credible publication and yet here they were delivering the news with
gusto. We now know that this young man had nothing to do with the
bombings, something his family knew all along. Of course the
grovelling apologies have begun in earnest and Sunil is being lauded
as a credit to himself and all who knew him. Bit late now though
isn't it?
DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN
I was genuinely surprised to learn
that France is only the fourteenth country to approve a law allowing
gay marriage. My automatic assumption was that the majority of
forward-thinking countries had long since sanctioned same-sex
couplings. I was even more surprised to see that this ruling had
resulted in widespread protests throughout Paris. This is 2013 right?
The fear among those protesting is that this ruling will allow for
the adoption of children by same-sex couples. And I agree, it is
inevitable that once gay marriage enters the French legislate it is
only a matter of time before those sharing vows are given the
opportunity to start a family. However I don't agree with the belief
that those children will be in any way affected by having two daddies
or two mammies instead of the traditional one of each.
Because yes it is 2013 and in case
you hadn't noticed the notion of family has undergone quite a change
since the post-war baby boom. That traditional 'one of each' is still
prevalent across society but it now has some serious competition in
the shape of the single mother and even the single father. Think of
your own friends, every one of us knows at least half a dozen single
mothers and some of us may have been brought up by a single parent
ourselves. Time was when this deemed unthinkable, “how can you
raise a child on your own? Away to the nunnery with ya!” And now?
We barely bat an eyelid when a woman brings up her kids by herself. I
just hope that in another thirty years time those protesting this
legislation will have overcome their prejudices and can accept
children being adopted by loving parents regardless of their sexual
orientation.
CANNIBAL LECTURE
It's a horrible sinking feeling.
Your favourite footballer, the man upon whom all your hopes rest, has
just done something stupid, something guaranteed to be the talk of
the nation for the next few days, or even weeks if you're unlucky. An
immediate decision is made; a complete media blackout, it's the only
way you'll get through this. It's going to be bad enough listening to
the uninformed opinions of work colleagues without subjecting
yourself to the moronic masses online too. You'll keep an ear out for
news of the inevitable ban and fine but nothing more.
How close was I Liverpool fans?
Pretty close I'd imagine, after all I do have consummate experience
in this field. Eric, Keano, Rio, Rooney, they've all had me recoiling
in horror and defending the indefensible. So when Suarez chomped into
some prime Serbian steak I couldn't help but laugh. Yes, a player
from another club is going to be put through the wringer, and better
still it's a Liverpool player. And even better still it's the lovable
non-racist, Uruguayan. Thank you Lord.
And what did he do? He bit somebody.
In itself I don't think it's a particularly heinous act. The only
modern-day reference point we could find was Jermain Defoe's nibble
on Javier Mascherano which accrued a yellow card. But I'm sure if we
were to cast our net a little wider we could find several more
examples of flesh-hungry footballers. I'm thinking of Serie A in the
1970s, La Liga in the 1980s, South America since time began, places
and times where the dark acts of defending were practised
religiously.
But that was then and this is now,
so Suarez gets ten games and is depicted as a madman. He's cast as a
terrible role model and warned about his future conduct. Just about
apt in today's climate. The suggestion has been mooted that Liverpool
will dispense of his services in order to maintain the reputation of
the club. Nonsense. He's the best player they have by some distance
and selling him right now would be folly. Keep him I say. The longer
he stays the better chance he'll commit more extraordinarily
malicious acts and have them Scousers squirming in discomfort. Give
him a long-term contract Liverpool, and do it now.
CAN'T BEAT THE FEELIN'
Irish children are getting fatter we
know that. And sure what harm is it? 'Bout time someone got a decent
feed 'cos we sure as fuck didn't get it when we growing up. Starving
we were. 'Ate it in tya Peter you dunno where your next bit is comin'
from. A little bit of chubbiness is fine I suppose. But what we
haven't accounted for are the health risks. A
new study has found that drinking fizzy drinks on a daily basis
increases your child's chances of contracting diabetes by 20%. I find
that terrifying and I don't even have any children. Kids will always
want sugary treats, it's how they're designed, but they also have a
unilateral aversion to needles. Try explaining that to the little
mites though, yeah you can have a bottle of 7UP but here stick this
in your arm first will you?
AFTER YOU M'LADY
The last remaining participant in
World War I died a few years ago and with him went the memories of
that most horrific of conflicts. Those who survived it's successor
will still be around for some time yet but one of them, now well into
her nineties, decided that to time to recount her experiences was
now. 95 year old Margot Woelk would have been in her mid-twenties
during the height of World War II, not exactly the ideal time to be
in the prime of your life I'm sure you'll agree. And because she was
a fit and healthy speciman with little or no practical uses for the
Nazi movement she found herself employed in a rather unique role. Her
job? Hitler's food taster.
Along with fourteen other women Ms
Woelk was forced to sample the fuhrer's meals before they were
delivered to the man himself. Nice work if you can get it eh? Well
not really, the food may indeed have been marvellous, far
outstripping the wartime rations enjoyed by everyone else, but the
constant threat of being poisoned ensured that no morsel could ever
be savoured. We already know that Adolf Hiter put very little value
on human life but this tale further underlines the sheer arrogance of
the man. The lives of these fifteen women were considered dispensable
just so long as 'oul one ball could eat in peace. That the Austrian
despot took his own life before he could be captured must surely rank
as one of modern history's biggest injustices.
THE
SHOW MUST GO ON
Biopics of dead musicians have
always been ten a' penny, no sooner have they breathed their last
then auditions are taking place to capture their finest hour.
There's a Marvin Gaye one forthcoming, it's bound to be a disaster,
the Motown star was so incredibly complex and audaciously talented
that I can't imagine anyone representing him with any authority on
screen. The same goes for Freddie Mercury. I mean how could you
replicate his showmanship? There's not a man on earth brave enough to
even try it. Eh? Sacha Baron Cohen? Come off it, a comedy genius may
be but Farrokh Bulsara,
frontman of Queen? No chance.
But it appears there's every chance.
The creator of Ali G, Borat and Bruno has long since lobbied for the
role of Freddie in any potential film of the star's life and now it
appears that Brian May is on board too. And the more I think about it
the more it makes sense. Let's face it Baron Cohen is clearly as mad
as a box of frogs, his comic creations are proof of that. I remember
watching Borat and thinking to myself “I will never see anything as
shocking as this no matter how long I live”, then I watched Bruno.
He's bonkers, crazy, and so was Mercury. From thinking that this was
some sort of elaborate ruse I have now warmed to the idea. I now
fully expect this biopic to be the truest possible representation of
the greatest frontman of all time. Booyakasha!
