It's
not been a great week for interesting news stories to be honest.
We've had politicians quibbling over whether their spouses should be
allowed accompany them on business trips, the G8 summit and the
abortion debate rumbling on, and on, and on. So in light of this
uneventful week I'm going to ruminate on a few of the stories which
had me chortling quietly to myself over the past seven days.
Ya
two-faced bitch
I don't like cats, they're sneaky,
selfish little fuckers and they can't be trusted. Big cats are fine,
they're beautiful to look at and have earned the right to be a bit
moody. But house-cats? No thanks. I'm a dog person, simple as that.
So when I saw pictures of Duecy, a little kitten born in Amity,
Oregon, I recoiled in horror. A cat with two faces. My worst
nightmare. And then I watched the video, Jesus fucking Christ. Born
with a rare genetic disorder Deucy was not expected to live very
long and so it was thus. She died within a week. Excuse me if I don't
lament her passing. I can safely say this short clip is one of the
most terrifying things I have ever witnessed. Horror film maker's
take note.
Non-refundable items
All this week Newstalk have been
running a debate on the issue of prostitution in Ireland. Should it
be decriminalised? Who should be targeted? Is it the punters who are
to blame? And so on. Several experts in the field, including both
working-girls and their customers, were interviewed on the subject
with the end result being no one really knows what we should do. I
live just around the corner from what I like to think of as
Limerick's red-light district so I have a unique insight into this
sordid business. But the truth of the matter is, it's not sordid. Not
from where I'm looking anyway.
One of the benefits of legalising
prostitution would be the regulation of it's industry. In theory this
would mean no more human trafficking, safer working environments and
less risk of STIs. Perhaps we could even tax the workers and make a
few bob out of it. But amid all this discussion one thing was
continually overlooked, the quality of the service provided. These
girls don't come cheap y'know – or so I've heard anyway. You've got
to make sure you get enough ahem, bang for your buck. Any transaction
involves value for money and if you're not satisfied with your
product then you're well within your rights to complain, to the
police if needs be. Just like this fella did.
I think I'm turning Japanese
What it is about the Japanese and
weird sexual fetishes? What is it about the Japanese and weirdness
full stop? They're just a bonkers nation. Think of Takeshi's Castle,
Tartan Asia Extreme and any number of peculiar videos located in the
darkest corners of the Internet. Perhaps it's their excessive
politeness and shiny clean cities which drives them to such odd
behaviour when behind closed doors. All that pressure to be nice and
tidy comes lifting off their shoulders and with it any sense of
normality.
But even by their standards
'worming' is a little bit freaky. What the fuck is worming? Well if
you must know it's the act of licking another person's eyeball. Bet
you wish you hadn't asked now. Apparently this is display of
affection and not a new torture technique like I first thought. Hmm I
can feel my trousers a' tingling just thinking about it. As if the
thought of having a big soggy tongue run all over your retina wasn't
bad enough it appears that there's health risks too. A sudden spike
in conjunctivitis and eye-chlamydia (wtf) has been attributed to the
popularity of worming among Japan's younger citizens. Try explaining
that to a new beau.
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